Hello.
Just realised I kinda died-ed on my blog for over a year ago.
Been looking into my past blog entries and I just smiled.
And yeah; I should start sharing my life again.
Hello.
Summarizing what I have been up to this 1.5 years seems like a impossible task.
But here's a main one.
Been missing out so much on friends and LIFE in general.
Major setback when I went into kinda serious depression back in 2012.
Right on my 23rd birthday; I kinda exploded. I exploded on myself.
So many ups and downs past these 1.5 years made me seemed like I was insignificant. Really insignificant.
A whole big woo-ha brought over from my childhood years and the expectations that my family, friends and colleagues that I thought they saw in me... kinda killed me back then.
I FELT ALONE.
Never in my entire life that I felt so lost. And that everything that I did seemed so wrong.
It wasn't easy with all the emotional turmoils and my brain getting blown by itself. It feels like tiny little bombs implanted in your brain and simultaneously fusing itself over a few months. Totally felt like crap.
The healing journey was not easy. And I have kept my mouth quite tight on this. Only some colleagues knew what had happened. Forward looking after months that incident had happened; everything died down. Life goes on and I am pretty sure that that is how it is and how it will be.
I really missed out on my friends. As a working adult now; I totally get how it feels to see your social circle shrinks quite rapidly. Stepping into adulthood and the new people you meet changes your paradigm. We all become a live filter now; filter your friends; job; time; dislikes; and filtering what is not important to you.
After all, the most important is yourself. - It's like looking out for yourself first in a group photo to make sure you look good. This is undeniable.
Not exactly here to judge; but this is how I see myself and how I see others see themselves. Period.
Choices. Make one. Take one.
Whatever 'wrongs or rights' are all empty and meaningless. We are all just 'meaning-making' machines, aren't we?
And it is time for me to let go.
After all, who doesn't want to be happy?
____________________________________________________________________________________________
On a happier note; happenings in August!
1. Repainted my room (nope; actually my grandma's room but she is not staying with my family anymore) PURPLE over the long Hari Raya and National Day holidays. And bought these wall decals from gmarket (qoo10.sg) that flew in from Korea. DIY-ed easily.
2. Dearie cousin Astin's first birthday @ Downtown East Coasta Sands Resorts; last night.
3. Weekly / Bi-weekly / Monthly Sunday early morning breakfast in JB, Malaysia.
Been looking into my past blog entries and I just smiled.
And yeah; I should start sharing my life again.
Hello.
Summarizing what I have been up to this 1.5 years seems like a impossible task.
But here's a main one.
Been missing out so much on friends and LIFE in general.
Major setback when I went into kinda serious depression back in 2012.
Right on my 23rd birthday; I kinda exploded. I exploded on myself.
So many ups and downs past these 1.5 years made me seemed like I was insignificant. Really insignificant.
A whole big woo-ha brought over from my childhood years and the expectations that my family, friends and colleagues that I thought they saw in me... kinda killed me back then.
I FELT ALONE.
Never in my entire life that I felt so lost. And that everything that I did seemed so wrong.
It wasn't easy with all the emotional turmoils and my brain getting blown by itself. It feels like tiny little bombs implanted in your brain and simultaneously fusing itself over a few months. Totally felt like crap.
The healing journey was not easy. And I have kept my mouth quite tight on this. Only some colleagues knew what had happened. Forward looking after months that incident had happened; everything died down. Life goes on and I am pretty sure that that is how it is and how it will be.
I really missed out on my friends. As a working adult now; I totally get how it feels to see your social circle shrinks quite rapidly. Stepping into adulthood and the new people you meet changes your paradigm. We all become a live filter now; filter your friends; job; time; dislikes; and filtering what is not important to you.
After all, the most important is yourself. - It's like looking out for yourself first in a group photo to make sure you look good. This is undeniable.
Not exactly here to judge; but this is how I see myself and how I see others see themselves. Period.
Choices. Make one. Take one.
Whatever 'wrongs or rights' are all empty and meaningless. We are all just 'meaning-making' machines, aren't we?
And it is time for me to let go.
After all, who doesn't want to be happy?
____________________________________________________________________________________________
On a happier note; happenings in August!
1. Repainted my room (nope; actually my grandma's room but she is not staying with my family anymore) PURPLE over the long Hari Raya and National Day holidays. And bought these wall decals from gmarket (qoo10.sg) that flew in from Korea. DIY-ed easily.
He was so lovable and cute. Oh my gawd. But totally felt him resisting me when I carried him. (Hmmmm, give excuse that he hardly sees me la. lol.)
Me and baby cousin!
3. Weekly / Bi-weekly / Monthly Sunday early morning breakfast in JB, Malaysia.
Sunday mornings (dependant on level of car petrol): 7am wake up to go JB and pump petrol (cheaper of course), then enjoy finding new spots for local food. As always, Dad is the guide.
Smiles,
Joelle
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